Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

[cwald]

[Shulem]

Shulem, did you know that human fetuses, like all animal fetuses develop the asshole first? Perhaps this might partially explain the importance of this thread to Shades!

I didn't know that but it seems to make perfect biological sense. The bodies of animals and humans are designed and created to live out a mortal experience ONLY. Our bodies exist for the sole purpose to live and be -- to digest and excrete -- they have a beginning and an end. There are no exceptions to this. If there is an afterlife or life after death, then there is no use for the physical body or a physical experience as we now know but we move on as spirit energy having a spiritual life in a universal consciousness. Perhaps we incarnate over and over again into physical beings?

The idea of a so-called glorified physical resurrection of our bodies into an immortal state is absolutely silly and utterly childish. It's like a warm blanket given to a child in order to make one feel safe. The doctrine of resurrection is nonsense. A mortal body being made immortal is a contradiction and is not in harmony with the universe and is void of all common sense.

For fun, here are some things Bastard Mormon Man-God should be able to do:

1. Touch the tip of your tongue with your left pinkie and say, "Googoo gaga".
2. Stick your right index finger into your belly button and twist it as far as you can.
3. Spread open your butt-cheeks as far as you can until you can't do it anymore.
4. Stick both index fingers up your nose nostrils and jump up and down like a chicken.
5. Bend your knees and while stooping swing your testicles around and around as fast as you can.

Behold Mormon Man-god!



I know, right?

[Shulem]

As man is, God once was.

Our Heavenly Father committed sins, lots of them!




See for yourself:

[Shulem]

[deleted]

[Shulem]

[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: No overt toilet references or X-rated content allowed. To prevent this from happening, ensure you are alcohol-free for 24 hours prior to posting. RULE OF THUMB: If you're trying to post an image, then it hasn't been 24 hours yet.]

[Shulem]

Shades, you're mean. Fine. Be that way.



That's Shades, folks, he's doing his thing, being his way. That's the way it is. That's who he is.

[cwald]

[deleted]

[MODERATOR NOTE: No overt toilet references or X-rated content allowed. To prevent this from happening, ensure you are alcohol-free for 24 hours prior to posting. RULE OF THUMB: If you're trying to post an image, then it hasn't been 24 hours yet.]

Ah. This really cracks me up. Unfortunately, this banter is more entertaining than the topic being discussed, which has to be the exact opposite of Shades intent.

I love the Telestial Kingdom.

[Shulem]

RULE OF THUMB: If you're trying to post an image, then it hasn't been 24 hours yet.]

"Trying to post an image?"

"Trying?"

Oh, you mean trying as in making an attempt but I may be too drunk to actually pull it off.

[Dr. Shades]

"Trying to post an image?"

"Trying?"

Oh, you mean trying as in making an attempt but I may be too drunk to actually pull it off.

Actually, no. I've noticed that whenever you post an image, even if you do so successfully, you've been drinking. It's your image-free posts that are always lucid, hinged (as opposed to "unhinged"), and don't violate any rules.

Therefore, whenever you catch yourself trying to post an image, please stop and say to yourself, "Hey! This means I've been drinking! I'd better wait 24 hours before I make a post to MormonDiscussions.com."

[Shulem]

From another thread:

Here's a theory for you, Shulem. Given:

1) The concept of celestial vaginal birth is no more or less odd than celestial bodily functions requiring an anus,

2) As noted in your other thread, Jesus ate food as a resurrected being, and therefore did *something* with it,

3) Mormon theology teaches spirit is just refined matter and therefore should follow all of the laws of relativity related to matter and energy,

4) All matter has associated intelligences embedded in them according to the Book of Mormon, so food stuffs consumed by mortals as well as resurrected beings consist of both matter and intelligences,

5) In Mormonism according to the D&C, light and love are synonyms implying that the wave-particle nature of light is somehow uniquely non-material but rather a manifestation of the divine nature,

6) Resurrected beings are always glowing, radiating energy in Mormonism suggesting there is a conversion process taking place requiring matter to be converted into energy, or perhaps love,

7) Given 5 and 6 above, it may be God has to consume matter to be able to radiate love all the time, but this means something has to happen to remove or reform the intelligences associated with it, like combustion forms water and CO2 as heat energy is generated,

Given the above, perhaps God consumes matter, which through his divine being results in some of the matter being converted into light/love but since this detaches the intelligences from their original matter the result is they are formed into spirit children from the more "refined" spirit matter (read: digested), and perhaps the purpose of the divine anus is to birth spirit children formed by God the Father? Perhaps the process of digesting matter into spirit matter bonds the freed intelligences to one another, and endows the new matter/intelligence combination with divine light/love which completes the process of transformation from random spirit matter into that of a spirit child of God? I mean, it's no less odd than requiring celestial sex acts and vaginal birthing of spirit children out of resurrected Heavenly wombs anyway. If it is on earth as it is in heaven, the patriarchy of Mormonism might suggest the role of heavenly mothers is to prepare such celestial feasts of spirit and intelligence that Heavenly Father then consumes to form His children. It explains why Relief Society is so focused on home making activities, preparing resurrected women for an eternity of celestial kitchen work.

God's work and glory is to bring to "pass" the immortality and eternal life of man...maybe this explains why everything is always coming to "pass" in Mormonism?

[Shulem]

Who cut the fart?



Mormonism's Man-god cut the fart!

Can you smell it? Sniff and take a whiff.

[Dr. Shades]

See? This is a prime example of what I'm talking about.

[Shulem]

See? This is a prime example of what I'm talking about.

Shades, as a believing Mormon, did you ever conceive the idea of your Heavenly Father cutting a fart? If so, how would you feel if he cut a loud stinker in your presence and then laughed about it?

How about that, Shades? How do you feel about Father farting in front of you? I'd like to know. So also would others, I assume.

[Shulem]

My Neck, My Back

All you ladies I wash ur head, shake your body, don't stop, don't miss



That ur brain and ur intellect be clear and active, pop yo' like this



Ur ears, that you may hear the word of the Lord and lick it good



Ur eyes, that you may see clearly and discern between truth and error



Ur nose, that you may smell and just do it



Ur lips, that you may never speak guile and suck this right now



Ur neck, that it may bear up your head properly, first you gotta put yo' neck into it



Ur shoulders, that they may bear the burdens that shall be placed thereon, ah don't stop, just do it, do it



Ur back, that there may be marrow in the bones and in the spine then, you roll your tongue from the crack back to the front



Ur breast, that it may be the receptacle of pure and virtuous principles, make sure I keep [deleted]



____ the Mormon temple and their sacred secret ____ ____! So lick it now, lick it good!

STUPID ____ Mormons!

[Dr. Shades]

The above post is a prime example. It was posted at 7:24 p.m. Mountain Standard Time. How many drinks had you had between waking up and posting that?

[Shulem]

The above post is a prime example. It was posted at 7:24 p.m. Mountain Standard Time. How many drinks had you had between waking up and posting that?

My husband made me a wonderful gourmet scallop dinner on Monday night and I remember opting out from tuning into Mormon Talk. I'm sure that a glass of white wine was served with dinner and probably two glasses total with dinner. Nothing else.

It was my pleasure to mix Khia with the temple initiatory rites of washing. I thought it was ____ funny. I enjoyed doing it. It gave me pleasure.

Hell ____ yeah.

[Dr. Shades]

So, in other words, you posted about an hour after drinking one, maybe two glasses of wine.

Please don't do that.