Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Elohim wrote:Jehovah, Michael, let us go down and form man in our own likeness and in our own image, male and female, and put into them their spirits, and let us give them dominion over all things on the face of the earth. We will plant for them a garden, eastward in Eden.


An immortal penis, vagina, and a pair of assholes. Just like Heavenly Father & Mother!

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Last edited by Shulem on Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

See, you are naked. Take some fig leaves and make you aprons.

Father will see your ASSHOLES. Quick! Hide!


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Shulem
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Re: Does Heavenly Father have an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

cwald wrote:Shulem Telestial Kingdom threads kick ass. No pun intended


A belated thank you is in order. I hope you find the thread thought provoking and valid.

I'm disappointed that Shades chose to not reveal his thoughts about resurrection while a faithful Mormon. Perhaps he never contemplated the idea of having an asshole in the resurrection so perhaps the point is moot.

The doctrine of resurrection in Christian theology is one of the more stupid things ever dreamed up by religionists. It's beyond silly.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Joseph Smith contemplates the Son's holy asshole.

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Last edited by Shulem on Thu Jan 24, 2019 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Disrobe me, Joseph Smith. ____ me.

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Mormon Jesus is horny

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

“Lesson 9: I Have a Body like Heavenly Father’s,” Behold Your Little Ones: Nursery Manual (2008), 40–43

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I have a weenie like Heavenly Father.

I have a butthole like Heavenly Father.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Behold, the Lord Jesus Christ in his Holy of Holies.

Plop.

Plop.


[deleted]

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

I want to be just like Heavenly Father.

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When I grow up I want to be just like my Father.

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please see:

(Mormon Discussions) New RFM Podcast--Making Doctrine Out of Nothing at All

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Shulem wrote:Behold, the Lord Jesus Christ in his Holy of Holies.

Plop.

Plop.


[deleted]


You deleted that pretty little cartoon image?

:cry:

Okay, let's keep it very simple.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

THE ARTICLES OF FAITH

14 wrote:We believe that God the Eternal Father is a glorified Man having a body of flesh and bones. His immortal body is fully equipped with sexual organs, a rump, and an anus.


Now, with that said, let the prophets expound on the virtues of God having an asshole and how it effects his own life. Speak up, you ____ prophets, I can't hear you!

Brigham Young, what say ye?

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Doctor CamNC4Me
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Doctor CamNC4Me »

In the face of madness, rationality has no power - Xiao Wang, US historiographer, 2287 AD.

Every record...falsified, every book rewritten...every statue...has been renamed or torn down, every date...altered...the process is continuing...minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Ideology is always right.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

President Gordon Baby Hinckley speaks out of his ass:

"I have to believe that Heavenly Father has an an anus.
He's a glorified and perfected Man and I've never known
a man not to have an ass."


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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Elder Boyd K Packer performs apostolic farts in the name of Jesus Christ:

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Wind Boyd up and listen to him fart! Sorry, he can't masturbate. He's a TK smoothie.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Does Elohim have an asshole?

It's either Yes or No.


RATED R

It's just a goddamn crack, Shades. Nothing more. It's asking a simple question, for Christ's sake. This is a serious question and there must be a serious answer.

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https://canofwhupass.typepad.com/photos ... kfinal.jpg

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Dr. Shades
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Dr. Shades »

Why are you so obsessed with the anus?
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"

--Louis Midgley

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Dr. Shades wrote:Why are you so obsessed with the anus?


I'm glad you asked that question, Dr. Shades. It may well seem that I am obsessed with this particular topic -- but not so much with the anus, per se, rather with a logical answer leading from the question. Here's the thing: We know that the church officially teaches that Elohim has a body of flesh and bones. That's a standard proclamation given by the church. We also know what the Book of Mormon teaches regarding bodily resurrection. Bearing these matters in mind we can step forward boldly, collectively or independently, and ask the church to clarify this matter by making a statement to this effect: Yes, God has an anus.

This statement in itself would prevent billions of people from ever joining the cult Mormonism and embracing its silly idea of the Man-God. A billion Chinese will never join the church if they heard this kind of nonsense. Same goes for a billion Indians. This concept in itself is a deal killer for practically every reasonable thinker contemplating joining a new religion. They simply are not going to join Mormonism if it teaches that the Infinite God of the universe has a an anus. Plus, it leaves the general membership of the church having to apologize to themselves that God has an ass because it's not a comfortable concept by any stretch of the imagination. They may take God's ass and their Mormon testimonies to the grave. But the rest of the world is not going to get a testimony of the restoration hinging on the idea of God having an anus. The damage against the church in this regard is serious and resolute in no uncertain terms. The whole world needs to know this Mormon concept. It's not something the Mormons can say, "We don't know" or "It hasn't been revealed" -- no, this cannot be. The Mormons are stuck with Elohim having an ass and that includes a hole. See how the world won't like that!

Anyway, that's why I'm obsessed with the question because I know where the answer logically concludes. Thank you for allowing the above semi-nude photo to stand. It's not so much nudity or crudeness that I was hoping to present but rather a powerful image of the concept I am trying to portray in this thread. The topic or subject matter of this thread is not something that most people find appealing but the answer to the question is just as important, wouldn't you say?

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Behold the Mormon Godhead

ASSHOLE #1, #2, #3

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Behold my Beloved Son has a smoothe asshole
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Behold I God the Father have a hairy asshole
Image

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Dr. Shades
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Dr. Shades »

Thank you for the explanation.

Now that we all get it, can we quit talking about it?
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"

--Louis Midgley

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Dr. Shades wrote:Thank you for the explanation.

Now that we all get it, can we quit talking about it?


Well, there really hasn't been much of a discussion here on this thread. I've posted a slew of pictures along with some crude comments, some rather thought provoking, others less so. A few posters have chimed in with a ding or dong with some pointed comments. Pretty much from what I can tell, it's you, Dr. Shades, that objects to this thread seeing you have it all figured out as if there is nothing to gain from this very specific attack on Mormonism. I don't think you appreciate the full ramifications this subject suggests regarding Mormon resurrection and the physical body of God as understood in Mormonism. I think there is more to be explored concerning this subject and would find apologetic responses simply humorous if not downright laughable.

I just don't see how this subject can be closed. It's not been fully explored. I don't think you're being fair and are missing out on an opportunity to exploit Mormonism from a point of view that most Mormons would not want to discuss let alone even consider.

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Shulem
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by Shulem »

Okay, I'm back. :smile:

I just imagined being in the divine presence of Heavenly Father and sitting by his side in a moment of quiet reflection. Suddenly, without warning, Father cut a fart. It was loud and it sounded rather wet. I could smell it too. Father got up and left.

QUESTION: Will Father wipe his ass?

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RockSlider
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Re: Heavenly Father has an ANUS?

Post by RockSlider »

Shulem, did you know that human fetuses, like all animal fetuses develop the asshole first? Perhaps this might partially explain the importance of this thread to Shades!

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