Something Funny

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_aussieguy55
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Something Funny

Post by _aussieguy55 »

My brother shard this with me-

​The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures; so they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptised all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
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_MeDotOrg
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Re: Something Funny

Post by _MeDotOrg »

I always wondered why you see so few circumcised squirrels.
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_moksha
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Re: Something Funny

Post by _moksha »

When the problem of the squirrel infestation was considered by the Mormon Brethren at Church HQ in Salt Lake City, idea elder Gerrit W. Gong suggested that being squirrels they would be receptive to hearing the gospel. The LDS Church soon formed the Australian Squirrel Mission.

After the waterslide from the Baptist Church was closed, multitudes of squirrels abandoned the shallow Catholic baptismal basin in favor of the full immersion experience at the local LDS chapel. The good news of extra wards being added in the Australian Region will be reported at the October General Conference.
Last edited by Jersey Girl on Mon May 21, 2018 6:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
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_Gunnar
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Re: Something Funny

Post by _Gunnar »

A Catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi who were next door neighbors to each other and good friends both bought new cars on the same day. Later that day, the rabbi noticed the priest sprinkling holy water on his new car. The Rabbi walked over and asked, incredulously, "are you actually baptizing your car?"

"Of course not!", said the Priest, indignantly, "I'm just blessing it!"

The Rabbi, walked back to his house while trying his best to suppress his amusement. Later on, the priest looked over at the Rabbi's driveway and observed the Rabbi ostentatiously sawing off the tip end of his new car's tailpipe.
No precept or claim is more likely to be false than one that can only be supported by invoking the claim of Divine authority for it--no matter who or what claims such authority.

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_Gunnar
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Re: Something Funny

Post by _Gunnar »

moksha wrote:When the problem of the squirrel infestation was considered by the Mormon Brethren at Church HQ in Salt Lake City, idea elder Gerrit W. Gong suggested that being squirrels they would be receptive to hearing the gospel. The LDS Church soon formed the Australian Squirrel Mission.

After the waterslide from the Baptist Church was closed, multitudes of squirrels abandoned the shallow Catholic baptismal basin in favor of the full immersion experience at the local LDS chapel. The good news of extra wards being added in the Australian Region will be reported at the October General Conference.

:biggrin:
No precept or claim is more likely to be false than one that can only be supported by invoking the claim of Divine authority for it--no matter who or what claims such authority.

“If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.”
― Harlan Ellison
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