How to Reconcile

[_Gadianton]

Well stem,

I Believed that it was pointless to try and say anything to friends and family and so for the most part I never did. I moved out of Utah and when the preaching intensified I politely listened and then quit answering the phone. After a few years they had to decide what they wanted, I could go either way — I mean really it’s not fair that I had to listen to hours and hours of desperate pleas and I can literally say nothing without destroying feelings and greatly offending — and so they finally figured it out that the price of admission for me not to be an “anti-Mormon bore” was they also had to back off, and then things got good because we could appreciate each other for the things we were doing in life and not for whatever thoughts we had about the cult at the moment.

But there was an unanticipated cost to this. My ability to play it cool and let them wonder appears to have contributed to at least one faith crisis. And that is bad, in this case, so I’ve had thoughts that I should have been an anti Mormon bore as that would have made them discount their doubts.

Pretty crazy stuff.

[_canpakes]

At some point, not much more than a year ago, I concluded that it didn't work for me. I concluded I was a bit foolish to think it was working, and that it wasn't really working the whole time.

This.

... I suppose I'm convinced if I can put it just right for those closest to me who remain churchy folks, they'd see the light. If I can get them to read the right books, and open up their imagination a bit, they'd let it go. It'd make me feel better if that were true. But it's not. So many people who I just completely enjoy and would do anything for will remain for the rest of our lives engaged heavily in the Church, no matter what I do.

This totally makes sense. But I wonder about the flip side of this. I'd imagine that there are folks within your family or circle of close friends who are outstanding individuals, and it can certainly be argued that the framework of the Church and its community end up being a factor in the outcome. Or not. I ask myself the same question with regard to my own extended family, and then wonder how separating those individuals from the core belief system and shared faith experiences they've been immersed within for their whole life would fare for them. For some, I can't imagine them any other way than firm believers, and I'd never want to be the person who nudged them down that path to disbelief if it caused them more pain than benefit. Not that this is even entirely escapable by offering no contrary opinion, as Gad points out - just your present belief status, in and of itself with nothing further asserted by you, can be the catalyst for another to head down that path themselves.

I wish that this did not have to be so difficult for you, or anyone else that I know, or even myself, and I certainly have no answer. I can only wish for you that you'll be able to tread this path with less pain as time goes by.

[_candygal]

Stem...just wanted you to know that you have been a hero to me in many ways. Your journey may not be the same as mine, but the feelings are the same intense feelings that sway me to a core that speaks a certain peace...with or without others in my realm. You be you...and eventually all things may find a place in this puzzle that calls itself a religion of God.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

Where do you go from here?

- Doc

[_cwald]

Peace.