TR revoked for #metoo apostasy

[_MsJack]

This wasn't the takeaway, but now I'm curious. . . why did you take your kids to LDS sacrament meeting when you were neither Mormon nor happily married to one?

A good friend (bishopric 2nd counselor's wife) had invited me to her new baby's blessing. I specifically asked her about then-husband's church attendance as I wanted to avoid an awkward run-in with him. She said he hadn't attended in months.

Then-husband wasn't there when the service got started, either, so I got settled in and relaxed. I sat in the front row with my friend. My infant son was getting peckish by the end of the blessing, so once the blessing was over, I stood up to take my son to the mother's room and nurse him. That's when I spotted then-husband and his mistress sitting in the back row. I couldn't believe it. Apparently he had gone to her (Protestant) church the week before and now she was coming to his. They were repeating all of the steps he had gone through with me when we were first dating.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I came back from the mother's room and he had his arm around her. Most people in the ward didn't even know we were having issues. Would have been way too early to be introducing someone new to our old social circles even if it hadn't been an affair, but my ex knew how to take "tacky" to levels Weird Al could only dream of.

I'd originally planned on going to all three meetings and then staying for the ward pot luck, but then-husband began loudly introducing her to everyone as his "girlfriend" and said he'd be staying for the pot luck, so I gave my friends the food I'd brought and got the hell out of there.

Last year, I was having dinner with my friend and her husband (who had since become the bishop of that ward). He said to me that after I left that day, he pulled my husband aside and said, "Hey [name], you know you're still married, right?" That really pissed the XH off, but I got a good laugh. My friend's husband is a good guy; the only person who'd make a better bishop for that ward is his wife. Had he been the bishop, I think my XH might have actually been disciplined.

If I look up "asshole" in the dictionary, will I find his picture? Sheesh!!

Trust me, that's just the brown tip of the s*** iceberg he rammed into me. It will all be in the memoir I'm writing.

[_MsJack]

May I say that your ex...has some balls to do this and to get away with it ..I can't even make that work even in LDS worldview, that is so wrong.

Tell me about it. It used to bother me a lot that he "got away with it" (i.e. his church did nothing), but I finally realized that if the LDS church wants a guy like him prowling their singles' wards, I should just file that under "not my circus, not my monkeys."

[_consiglieri]

Back in 1995 I was going through a divorce with my first wife.

She had an "emotional affair" with a married man in the ward.

The affair ended up imploding two temple marriages with a total of six kids between the two marriages.

But the stake president took no action on either. It seems they felt it was not needed because there was no evidence of sexual activity.

I remember writing my stake president a letter over the issue, pointing out that he apparently thought penile-vaginal intercourse more serious than the destruction of two families.

I never got a reply.

I think this is my way of saying I can relate to the ex-wife in this particular scenario under discussion.

[_I have a question]

Men consistently receiving preferential treatment whilst women receive severe sanction in an organisation managed and ruled over solely by men. Go figure...

That said, I don’t think MSJacks experience of a husband turning up to Church flaunting his adultery and receiving no sanction is common. From my experience every Bishop I’ve known would’ve marched his ass out of that Chapel and set a date there and then for a disciplinary court.

[_Meadowchik]

"In an attempt to help Rachel, my husband and I contacted her stake president, who dismissed us, and then the Area Authority, outlining the physical and mental abuse Rachel had suffered and asking him to review the case. We told him that physicians had detailed reports of her injuries and that they could validate her claims. We hoped that this would at least help Rachel reestablish the relationships she had with her adult children and her grandchildren, whom she adored.

Instead of helping Rachel, we hurt her. She was called in by her bishop and disfellowshipped for not heeding his counsel. My husband and I were called into the office of our stake president by Rachel’s stake president. Her stake president was enraged that we had contacted the Area Authority and told us if we lived in his stake, we would be excommunicated."

https://sistersquorum.com/2018/02/22/White House ... nt-matter/

This is how you read several punches in the gut.

[_Stem]

This wasn't the takeaway, but now I'm curious. . . why did you take your kids to LDS sacrament meeting when you were neither Mormon nor happily married to one?

A good friend (bishopric 2nd counselor's wife) had invited me to her new baby's blessing. I specifically asked her about then-husband's church attendance as I wanted to avoid an awkward run-in with him. She said he hadn't attended in months.

Then-husband wasn't there when the service got started, either, so I got settled in and relaxed. I sat in the front row with my friend. My infant son was getting peckish by the end of the blessing, so once the blessing was over, I stood up to take my son to the mother's room and nurse him. That's when I spotted then-husband and his mistress sitting in the back row. I couldn't believe it. Apparently he had gone to her (Protestant) church the week before and now she was coming to his. They were repeating all of the steps he had gone through with me when we were first dating.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I came back from the mother's room and he had his arm around her. Most people in the ward didn't even know we were having issues. Would have been way too early to be introducing someone new to our old social circles even if it hadn't been an affair, but my ex knew how to take "tacky" to levels Weird Al could only dream of.

I'd originally planned on going to all three meetings and then staying for the ward pot luck, but then-husband began loudly introducing her to everyone as his "girlfriend" and said he'd be staying for the pot luck, so I gave my friends the food I'd brought and got the hell out of there.

Last year, I was having dinner with my friend and her husband (who had since become the bishop of that ward). He said to me that after I left that day, he pulled my husband aside and said, "Hey [name], you know you're still married, right?" That really pissed the XH off, but I got a good laugh. My friend's husband is a good guy; the only person who'd make a better bishop for that ward is his wife. Had he been the bishop, I think my XH might have actually been disciplined.

If I look up "asshole" in the dictionary, will I find his picture? Sheesh!!

Trust me, that's just the brown tip of the s*** iceberg he rammed into me. It will all be in the memoir I'm writing.

What the....pile of crap. I'm very sad and sorry that this happened. I'm sure it's worse.

[_Dr. Shades]

This wasn't the takeaway, but now I'm curious. . . why did you take your kids to LDS sacrament meeting when you were neither Mormon nor happily married to one?

A good friend (bishopric 2nd counselor's wife) had invited me to her new baby's blessing. I specifically asked her about then-husband's church attendance as I wanted to avoid an awkward run-in with him. [SNIP!]

WOW. Incredible. You know, the only thing harder to believe than his audacity is the fact that his "girlfriend" was successfully talked into going along with it!

[_MsJack]

WOW. Incredible. You know, the only thing harder to believe than his audacity is the fact that his "girlfriend" was successfully talked into going along with it!

It wouldn't be hard to believe if you knew her. She dabbled in modeling, writing, editing, singing, dancing, and is extremely exhibitionist. I'd put betting money on narcissistic personality disorder.

You can even buy a t-shirt online with her face on it if you'd like (men's sizes only).

She wasn't really the problem though; he was.

That said, I don’t think MSJacks experience of a husband turning up to Church flaunting his adultery and receiving no sanction is common. From my experience every Bishop I’ve known would’ve marched his ass out of that Chapel and set a date there and then for a disciplinary court.

The bishop eventually called him into his office (sans mistress) and lectured him on how it's against church policy for members to "date" until a divorce is final. Given that neither divorce nor legal separation had even been filed for at that point, that's a little like a cop citing a getaway car for speeding.

But he never received more than wrist-slaps and talkings-to.

On the broader subject of men and church discipline: Google #AndYetTheyExcommunicateKate. There are many, many stories out there of LDS men caught in adultery and other spousal abuse who are not disciplined or receive little more than wrist-slaps. In some cases, it's the faithful spouse who is disciplined because the bishop and/or SP are friends with the accused husband. (The latter example happened to someone I know personally.)

I'll just quote from this essay at The Junia Project. (This is about evangelical complementarian theology, but it applies just as well to Mormon patriarchy.)

"Again, people were trying to take these as sad, isolated events, but I was seeing them systemically. I was realizing that you can’t have hierarchy without placing differing value on people and inevitably you protect what you value most. If males, especially adult males, and most especially adult males in leadership have the highest value, then the converse is also true. Females, especially young ones, have the lowest value. They are the easiest to sacrifice because it doesn’t cost these cultures anything. This is what hierarchy ALWAYS creates."