Waves of Pain and Sadness

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_Dr. Shades
_Emeritus
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Dr. Shades »

Meadowchik wrote:What music might you recommend for an eclectic ear?

I strongly recommend the enchanting and uplifting music of PERFUME, the official Japanese electro-pop group of MormonDiscussions.com.
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"

--Louis Midgley
_Jesse Pinkman
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Jesse Pinkman »

Dr. Shades wrote:
Meadowchik wrote:What music might you recommend for an eclectic ear?

I strongly recommend the enchanting and uplifting music of PERFUME, the official Japanese electro-pop group of MormonDiscussions.com.

I would agree with Shades on this. :smile:
So you're chasing around a fly and in your world, I'm the idiot?

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Music is my drug of choice.

"And that is precisely why none of us apologize for holding it to the celestial standard it pretends that it possesses." Kerry, MDB
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_Meadowchik
_Emeritus
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Meadowchik »

Lolol :) If I weren't sitting with my twins who are going to bed, I would listen now. Will check it out ;)
_Choyo Chagas
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Choyo Chagas »

Meadowchik wrote:What music might you recommend for an eclectic ear?

verdi

watch for inclination...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVwIdU1Mk2M (2:21)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEzEa_LUy84 (3.01)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnxG0HYEqZg (3:00)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqEuQDmNqtI (11:01)
Choyo Chagas is Chairman of the Big Four, the ruler of the planet from "The Bull's Hour" ( Russian: Час Быка), a social science fiction novel written by Soviet author and paleontologist Ivan Yefremov in 1968.
Six months after its publication Soviet authorities banned the book and attempted to remove it from libraries and bookshops.
_Meadowchik
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Meadowchik »

Choyo Chagas wrote:
Meadowchik wrote:What music might you recommend for an eclectic ear?

verdi

watch for inclination...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVwIdU1Mk2M (2:21)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEzEa_LUy84 (3.01)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnxG0HYEqZg (3:00)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqEuQDmNqtI (11:01)

Very enjoyable, thanks!
_Choyo Chagas
_Emeritus
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Choyo Chagas »

Meadowchik wrote:Very enjoyable, thanks!

there are joyless ones:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F4G5H_TTvU (9:27)

and triumphals:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3w4I-KElxQ (5:48)

or tragics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JULs5RoCEgM (7:53)
Choyo Chagas is Chairman of the Big Four, the ruler of the planet from "The Bull's Hour" ( Russian: Час Быка), a social science fiction novel written by Soviet author and paleontologist Ivan Yefremov in 1968.
Six months after its publication Soviet authorities banned the book and attempted to remove it from libraries and bookshops.
_Meadowchik
_Emeritus
Posts: 1900
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Meadowchik »

Jersey Girl wrote:
Meadowchik wrote:I live across the ocean, I see my family rarely. My brother ignoring me on social media is essentially him shutting me out of his life. It is painful. It came as a complete shock, too. I would have thought that he could maintain a boundary between his own identity and how I feel about the church, especially given his own ambivalence about the church.

If you don't mind some feed back from a Never, I'd like to share my thoughts on the above and you probably already know these things, but still I'd like to put them on this thread as a reminder if a reminder is needed.

Based on 18 years online, interacting with and observing exiting/doubting LDS as well as TBM's, and also having had some doubting folks (including a Bishop and apologists, to show how deep this goes) correspond with me as an outlet mainly because I can do nothing to hurt them, I think for the majority of LDS (be they TBM, doubting, exiting, or ambivalent as is your brother) being Mormon is an essential feature of one's self image, self identity and sense of self worth, to the point where particularly if one is BIC, it's in your DNA. It runs through your blood stream, it's embedded in your brain. It's behind your eyes as you open them and view and interact with the world each day. It is who and what you are.

All of the lessons learned from childhood and beyond, are there in the forefront, in the very core of your being, in the back of your mind and they color your very thoughts.

It is frightening as hell for LDS who are doubting. They still worry about their eternal destination, they worry about not being authentic when at the same time, authenticity could easily cost them their marriage, their children, their extended family, their social circle, their standing in the community where they live, and even their business connections.

Maybe, just maybe, even though your brother is ambivalent about church, he still might have that feeling in his very bones that he needs to reject you in a sense--because you have rejected the church...because breaking free as you have, scares the living hell out of him for all the above reasons that I stated, so he feels a need to "keep one foot in the door" on account of it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. When I left my own Southern Baptist church (it had nothing to do with my God belief, it had to do with the people there) I simply walked out the door one day never to return. No deacons or pastors or church friends called me to try to find out why I disappeared. When I see any of these folks in public these days, we still hug each other and catch up on our families--they don't care if I left that particular church. They love me, I love them.

But for LDS, the choices of one have the capacity (in a sense) to affect the eternal destinations of all and if nothing else, the belief in eternal family runs so deep at the core of the LDS believing mind that when one walks out the door--they easily have lost their loved ones "for time".

The hurt and fear are astounding. The efforts on the part of church members to retrieve or reject the lost sheep are likewise astounding.

I think your brother needs to keep that one foot in the door. I'm sorry that he has shut you out. I hope one day and having learned through experiences, he will choose otherwise and open that door back up again.


Good fortune allowed me to stumble across this thread today. This was helpful to me, Jersey, thanks again.

Your description of the centrality of the dogma is spot-on. I'm finding out how certainty is a very comforting drug. I don't have the everything-level-certainty anymore. As a mother, I am extremely grateful for that. I have seen that such certainty on my part could have been very damaging to several if not all of my children.

But I decided this morning to try to see a therapist. With the moving countries and beliefs, I think my brain is in some kind of anxiety-triage mode too much of the time.
_Meadowchik
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Re: Waves of Pain and Sadness

Post by _Meadowchik »

Jersey Girl wrote:Meadowchik, without question, your brother has a long way to go. Yes, I do know what the rejection of family and tribe is. Let me tell you how.

I am the child of a single parent mother who had a father who abandoned her completely at age nine. I am an only child whose brother died when she was 3 and who has 4 siblings. My family history is complicated, to say the least. I saw my siblings (one by one) when they were babies and toddlers. I saw them only once, but one sister I saw twice.

Throughout our growing up years, we never spent time together and we never knew each other as siblings know each other. I basically hated the air that they breathed. The family divided into two factions on account of their parent's relationship. And yet, I knew they were no better off than I was. My father supported (like hell he did) two families in abject poverty. Way to go, buddy.

I knew I would never initiate contact with them, because I might be asked certain questions the answers for which would hurt them and at certain periods of my life, I might have hurt them intentionally out of sheer spite on account of the simple fact that they existed and my life had been hard without a father.

Decades passed until about 5 years ago when one of my sisters was driven by a desire to know me. She hunted me down on Facebook. We corresponded via email and she asked me the hard questions about our family relationships. I sat on the answers for 24 hours until I decided that this was my one and only chance to tell the truth of my story to someone to whom it mattered because she was a part of the story that needed telling.

That summer, I met my two sisters and one brother. Can I just tell you this? Meadowchik, I never really saw people who looked like me until 5 years ago. Three of us look like our father, my brother is a total dead ringer for him (I apologized multiple times for staring at him, because I hadn't seen a reminder of my father in decades), one sister looks like their mother.

My sisters and I met up for dinner. We talked until they closed the restaurant and continued to talk outside of the restaurant for I don't know how long. It must have been 2 am when I got back to where I was staying. They had lots of questions for me and I had the answers for them.

They had a cookout for me the next day where I met my brother. Guess what? We all liked each other! It felt like we belonged together. What a strange feeling it was to feel a part of a family that our parents made years ago, only this time WE made it.

My cousin who I haven't seen since she was an infant was there. She peppered me with questions about her childhood and her mother, and I had most of the answers for her.

When I got ready to leave that day, my brother said "See ya, sis" and I lost it. Never in my life has anyone ever called me "sis".

This summer, I met my youngest brother for the first time since he was a year old. Again, that is decades and decades and decades that have past until we met again. I don't know how to describe just what this has all been like for me. Never in my life did I see any of this coming.

My youngest sister (the one who hunted me down) and I have a bond that I cannot even put into words. It's just undeniably there. Our conversations are so funny--our father, your father, my father. ;-) You have to laugh at the weirdness of it all.

There were times in my life when I could have benefitted from having a brother or sister. When I could have used someone in "my corner". I hope that life will present your brother with experiences that lead him to know and understand what my siblings and I know and understand.

Because life is too short for this ____.

Reading again, I love this so much.

My youngest sister and I also recently bonded more. It's wonderful to have that.
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